So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
