Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
