I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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