dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
