The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
