Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
