On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
