Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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