wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
