i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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