summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
