Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
