im drinking this country out of the recession.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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