well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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