apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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