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This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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