so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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