so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
