my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
