I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
