I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
