i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
