i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
