She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
