Buhtt sex?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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