Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
