You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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