I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
