i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
40s are totally the cure
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
