After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
