i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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