i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So much rum. So many feels.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
