New low: just hacked my moms facebook
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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