I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
