There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
