My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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