Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
