She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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