Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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