Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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