whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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