i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
