Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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