Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
