so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
