moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
