jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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