we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
