i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
