we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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