then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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