I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
