I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
