Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
