We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
