Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
