oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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