and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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