Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
