I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm bleeding and have questions
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
