Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
