She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
