All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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