i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
