my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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