Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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