I seem to have left my pride at pride
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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