I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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