it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
