How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
