The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just invented taco cereal.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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