So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
