Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
