Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
