i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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