Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
