so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
